Powerpuff Forever
by GasmaskAvenger
Summary: 24 years after their initial creation, the girls are still fighting crime and saving the world well into adulthood...complete with the occasional peek into their lives before their maturation into adults. Rated M for Adult subject matter, language and content.
1. Intro&No Life for an IRL Lifetime Movie

_**Twenty four years ago, a scientist named Professor Utonium decided to make the perfect little.**_

 _ **Using the ingredients of sugar, spice and everything nice, he was to make this a reality.**_

 _ **However, as he stirred the concoction, he accidentally broke open a nearby vial of another work of his, which spilled into the project he was currently working on. This accidental, additional ingredient was none other than...Chemical X.**_

 _ **This resulted in the creation of three little girls.**_

 _ **BLOSSOM!**_

 _ **BUBBLES!**_

"Hey, I ain't no little girl!"

 _ **I wasn't talking to you, homeless person with a funny hairdo.**_

"Aw shit. My mistake. I'll just leave now, hommie."

 _ **No hard feelings, pal. Just...don't make too much of ruckus as you leave. Also...just hurry it up a little. I got an intro to finish here.**_

"Gotcha, Narrator dude. Just gonna tippy toe my ass outta here."

 _ **Well that was a waste of my time.**_

 _ **Anyhow…**_

 _ **BLOSSOM!**_

… _ **.uhh….BUBBLES!**_

 _ **...looks like he's gone. Phew.**_

 _ **BUTTERCUP!**_

 _ **These three sisters dedicated their lives to fighting crime and the forces of evil, which is what they do to this very day!**_

POWERPUFF

FOREVER

 **A Powerpuff Girls FanFic by GasmaskAvenger.**

* * *

Chapter 1: No Time for an IRL Lifetime Movie

 _ **The city of Townsville!**_

 _ **Twenty four years since the initial creation of the Powerpuff Girls, Townsville hasn't changed all that much. Though technology and social media had altered some things, the city's overall soul has remained the same.**_

 _ **What has changed, however, is the girls themselves.**_

 _ **Not only these girls are city wide icons, they are recognized globally as treasures in the everlasting fight of good against evil.**_

 _ **Though they have expanded their crime fighting activities outside of their home city, they still very, very much call Townsville "home".**_

 _ **And at this very moment, something truly dastardly and despicable is afoot in the home of a local family.**_

* * *

If you need somebody to sing so bad... **YOU DO IT! NO ME GUSTA!**

 _ **Oh dear. What's happening here? Am I going insane? A Powerpuff Girls within our universe.**_

 _ **Is this some kind of act of meta humor or something?**_

 _ **Please tell me! I need to know!**_

"Dammit, Herb! Why haven't you paid this month's water bill?"

"For god's sake, Herb, don't keep shutting me out like this!"

"Shut the hell up, Minnie! I don't have the damn money to pay for it!"

 _ **Uh oh. I don't see this argument ending well...and I don't see the child watching that awful imitation of the girls' childhood taking this too great either.**_

 _ **And i'm referring to both the argument and the awful show, readers.**_

"How about you SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

 _ **ACK! Just as I feared. This husband is both abusive to his wife and to your childhoods.**_

 _ **Folks...I may be a little late on informing you, but this ain't the Powerpuff Girls you grew up with.**_

 _ **Expect things to be...very adult from hereon out.**_

"Daddy...stop hurting mommy!"

"Sorry, sugar plum...but mommy doesn't know when to keep her fuckin' lips shut."

"Daddy! You said a bad word! Shame on you."

"I can say those things, sugar plum. Things that especially apply to your shitty excuse of a mother."

 _ **Oh good. The mother of the family is calling nine one one. This act of vicious misogyny is certainly going to come to an end any minute now.**_

* * *

"Nine one one, what is your emergency?"

"I need you to send some cops to my home. My husband is beating me up!"

"Excuse me, ma'am? Did you forget what city you live in? There's no need for us to send the cops. We're going to alert the city's...real heroes to get the job done."

"Uhhh….I don't understand what you're saying, sir. I thought it was common protocol to send in the proper authorities for domestic violence incidents."

"Not when you live in Townsville, ma'am. We deal things here...differently. Go ahead and hang your phone up now. Help will be on its way in no time."

 _ **Well, this battered wife is about to learn that she'll have nothing to fear from her husband for the rest of her stay in Townsville.**_

"...that was awkward."

"You called the police? YOU SERIOUSLY CALLED THE FUCKIN' POLICE! BITCH, ARE YOU TRYING TO TEAR THIS FAMILY APART?!"

"You're already doing a good job at that, Herb. Look at our daughter. She looks like she wants to crawl under her bed and rot for the rest of her childhood."

"BITCH, SHE'S WATCHING CARTOONS! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU GET THAT VIBE FROM HER AS SHE WATCHES HER CARTOONS?! God, you're so overly dramatic at times."

* * *

 _ **Oh...finally! Things are about to take a turn for the better. Looks like the girls have arrived just in time. That wife beater doesn't know what he's got coming!**_

"Stop there, jerk! The one thing we tolerate the least are people who take pride in beating up their spouses!"

"Yeah! A real meanie that always hurts my soul by sheer principal!"

"More like a walking piece of fucking shit that needs to get their balls cut off!"

"Hah! Looks like there's some bitches for me to carve...carve…uhhhhhh….i'm so fucked now."

POW! SNAP! CRACK! SNAP! WHAM!

 _ **Yeah, kick his butt, girls! Kick his butt!**_

* * *

"Thank you...THANK YOU SO MUCH!"

"No problem, lady. We're always welcome to help a fellow citizen, no matter how many times we've done it over the years."

"Yeah. We even don't mind helping out people that live in other cities. That's how much help we are to everyone."

"And the best part is that I get to fuck up more pieces of shit like that sorry excuse of excrement that you call a husband."

"Aw come on, Buttercup. Ease up on the blood lust."

"Sorry, Blossom. Got a little out of hand again as usual."

"It's okay, Buttercup. I felt the same way during my last crossfit competition."

"Ehhhh...i'll just take your word for it, Blossom."

 _ **Oh it's so cute to see the girls still occasionally bicker with each other even as adults.**_

* * *

"Hey sisters! Look what's on TV! That cartoon based on us!"

"Really? I gotta see this!"

"You two go ahead and have at it, Bubbles and Buttercup. I need to help counsel this woman. She's gotta be pretty shaken by what her husband inflicted on her."

"All right!"

"Mind if you make room for two more, kid?"

"Sure."

 _ **And it's so cute to see them want to watch TV after another effortless act of heroism, but uh oh..they're just realizing how bad this show based on their life they're watching really is.**_

"I never dressed or said anything like that."

"What the fuck is wrong with my voice?!"

"Memes? They're having me spout out memes? This is an outrage!"

"What's the matter, Bubbles and Buttercup? What's so bad about that cartoon?"

"It's making a mockery of us!"

"More like taking a big fucking shit on our credibility!"

"All right, all right. I'll see what's the fuss about."

 _ **With Blossom joining the fray, the Powerpuff Girls witnessed what may have been the most offensive thing this adaption of their childhood adventures had to offer.**_

 _ **...really lame, out of place attempts at appealing to the hip-hop crowd.**_

"What the hell? Why am I dressed up like a B-Boy?! Why am I rapping in a really crappy style? Why am I wearing bling?! Why? WHY?! **WHY?!** "

"If they gave your rapping good flow, it would work just okay, but no. This is just that stupid lazy style of rapping lousy, out of touch writers would often throw in on a whim in terribly written stories!"

"Who cares about the gory details? All I know is that it's raping my fucking ears and i've had enough of this fucking bullshit!"

 _ **And with that bold statement, Buttercup unplugged**_ **everything plugged into the TV (as well as the TV itself) and threw that son of a gun out of the window.**

 **Little to Buttercup's knowledge, the TV came crashing down onto a near grand theft auto felon, crushing his head like a watermelon and painting the almost victim in his blood and guts.**

 **A little gross, readers, but nonetheless a necessary accidental act of heroism.**

* * *

"Mommy. The Powerpuff Girls...broke our TV."

 _ **However, that little girl's complaint was silenced as Blossom managed to buy the family a brand new 4k Ultra High Definition television in just one solitary minute and set it right up for them, stunning said little girl speechless.**_

"Th...th...thank you, Blossom."

"No need to thank me, kid."

"What about my husband? Will you take him to jail on your way back?"

"Of course we will, lady."

"No shit he's going to prison. Preferably one where he'll get his asshole plugged up while dropping the soap."

"BUTTERCUP! Please keep your words clean for once."

"Ugh. That's a promise I can't keep, Bubbles."

 _ **Well, judging by the evil eye she gave to Buttercup after she heard that, I suppose Bubbles is less than thrilled to hear her sister admit she isn't one to try to stop saying nasty things.**_

 _ **Something that if she was to, I would reckon that Buttercup would lose some of her tomboyish charm, something she h**_ **ad only enhanced** **greatly with the acceptance of her own increased femininity once puberty hit in her teens.**

 **Despite the minor bickering, the girls would then wave goodbye at the mother and daughter they saved and left, taking the abusive husband with them.**

 **And with that said...for the first time in many years…**

 **...the day has been saved…**

 **Thanks to….**

 _ **THE POWERPUFF GIRLS!**_

 **THE END**

* * *

Townsville Public Records

File No. 378153

Blossom Utonium

Age: 23

Hair Color: Red

Breast size: F

Height: Five Feet, Six Inches

Weight: One Hundred and Thirty Six Pounds

Special achievements: 2014 and 2015 Crossfit Champion, Townsville High Class of 2010 Valedictorian.

Non-crime fighting activities: Crossfit athlete, spokesperson for Townsville humanitarian causes. Unofficial member of the United Nations and Peace Corps.

Relationship Status: Single

{{{End Transmission}}}


	2. Pop Trash 2K16

Chapter 2: Pop Trash 2K16

 _ **The City of Townsville!**_

 _ **A city where not only the heroes have aged since we've last seen them, so have many of their nemeses.**_

 _ **One particular old foe who had grown up quite a bit is none other than miss moneybags herself Princess Morbucks!**_

 _ **...though QUEEN Morbucks is more accurate since she had come to age and taken over the family crown ever since she turned eighteen.**_

 _ **And boy...she's still as bratty as ever. Perhaps more so as a complete diva of a pop star that doesn't even have a residence in Townsville anymore.**_

"I said I wanted a Smoked Butterscotch Frappuccino Blended Crème! Not a goddamn Citrus Green Tea Frappuccino Blended Crème!"

"Sorry, my royal highness. I forgot what specific Starbucks drink you preferred."

"Isn't that what you always do, you lazy ass ignoramus?!"

"...yes, my highness. I admit fully that i'm an ignoramus. Go ahead and give me fifty wooden board lashings on my buttocks."

 _ **Gee wiz. Here I thought she was bad enough as a child, but man. She's a complete terror as a grown up! This is absolutely atrocious!**_

"Hey asshole! I can hear you too, Mr. Gotta Always Speaking About Every Single Damn Thing We Do! Why hasn't the production crew reduced your presence in our lives after all these years for christ's sake?!"

 _ **Haven't you seen that TV series that's on these days? I'd beckon you would cringe at the sight of you going through a demonic possession storyline.**_

"Are you for real, narrator? That's the stupidest thing i've heard all day….AND THAT INCLUDES THE LACK OF MY GODDAMN SMOKED BUTTERSCOTCH FRAPPUCCINO BLENDED CRÈME! GOD, THAT MAKES ME WANT TO SET A HOUSE ON FIRE!"

 _ **I assume you've burn things in all sorts of matters throughout your life so far, Ms. Morbucks.**_

"Oh shut the hell up! Just...get the hell out of my damn trailer! In fact...don't even come back here for another stupid expository scene! If you do, i'll have my biggest, beefiest bodyguard kick your ass down to Brownsville, you worthless piece of talkative crap!"

 _ **Okay, okay. I'm getting out of here. Sheesh.**_

"Thank you...asshole."

 _ **Well that was just a waste of my time.**_

* * *

 _ **Anyhow, since the girls are all grown up now, most have left their to make living space at other places. However, one sister remains to at least keep their father Professor Utonium company.**_

 _ **Because you know how parents feel when their children leave home for greener pastures.**_

"Dad, how do you like the popcorn? Me and Ken picked it up back when we were in Iowa two weeks ago."

"I like it very much, Buttercup. Best popcorn you can get when not taking a trip to the multiplex."

 _ **Oh and in case you're wondering why there's a robotic cat scratching on the front day**_ **...well...you'll learn soon enough.**

"Uhhh….Buttercup. Why is Peach clawing the door?"

"It's because I can detect someone approaching the household, Professor Utonium."

 _ **And of course, the robotic kitty cat was correct. Someone was at the door as the good Professor and Buttercup heard a series of knocks by it.**_

"Stay put, dad. I'll get it."

 _ **Which is exactly what she did as she floated off the couch, lightly pushed Peach out of the way and opened the door, finding herself face to face with the one person she is always most happy to be around in private.**_

 _ **Yes...someone who isn't even her own flesh and blood, you see.**_

"Oh hey, Ken! Glad to see you made it in time to watch a movie with me and my dad."

 _ **Wait...why haven't they kissed yet? They would normally kiss by now. Maybe Buttercup doesn't want her old man to see her swapping spit with her boyfriend?**_

 _ **Or maybe there is some other reason that Ken will actually explain himself. Either way, this is already quite an interesting turn of events.**_

"Actually, i'm here to tell you I got tickets for a concert tonight."

"Who's concert, Ken?"

"Uhhh...we're going to see Morbucks tonight."

"Are you kidding me, Ken? How could you, of all people, forget my preference of music style….oh wait. You mean that cunt Princess Morbucks finally came back to Townsville after all these years?"

"Yes, baby. In fact, it was Bubbles' idea to give us tickets. Something she and Blossom supposedly brainstormed together on."

 _{''Did Ken just call Buttercup "Baby"?''}_

"I see. Now the prospect of seeing such a snobby ass bitch again is actually more enticing than I could ever imagine."

 _ **Oh boy. It looks like the girls are going to be fighting an old enemy for the first time in years. Could this very well open the drawbridge for many more long dormant feuds with old enemies from their formative years?**_

 _ **Who knows? I certainly don't know! I'm just a measly narrator. I don't receive scripts in advance.**_

* * *

 _ **With that said though, it is now several hours later as we see the girls (plus Ken) arrive at the Townsville concert hall, anticipating the start of this potentially disastrous event.**_

"Sheesh. This nice little place has been glammed up way, way too fuckin' much for my own personal taste."

"Yeah. Even I wouldn't go this far if I was vain with my fame, Buttercup."

"At least i'll be able to document what this place will look like on tomorrow's podcast before we inevitably trash it up, sisters. Between that, Robin's coverage of the movie theater and my interview with a bull will certainly make it one of the better podcasts we've done in recent memory."

"Good thing your coverage won't be compromised by some stupid 'no photography allowed' rule, Bubbles. I suppose this Morbucks chick is too obsessed with herself to even get too uptight about bootleg recordings of her performances."

"Considering what I last remember of her, Mr. Kaminsky, I am really surprised by that too."

"Mayor Bellum?! You're here too!"

 _ **Yes, readers. That is not a typo. Our very own Miss Sara Bellum is now the Mayor of Townsville. A very successful one, to be perfectly honest.**_

"Of course, Blossom. Knowing our guest during her childhood, there cannot be much good coming out of her being here again."

 _ **But before our mayor could say anymore she heard her phone ringing, which left her no choice but to answer it.**_

"Mayor Bellum. I'm having trouble!"

"What exact trouble, Gemma?"

"I can't, for the life of me, open this darn soda bottle! Can you come down to the office and help me?"

"Oh for pete's sake, Gemma. You're just as bad as your uncle. Christ."

"Uhhh...that doesn't solve anything, mayor. I really, really need you to help me. I feel like i'm about to break my fingers trying to take this blasted cap off!"

"How about you just come on over to here so I can take the cap off and you can enjoy the concert, Gemma?"

"...okay, Mayor Bellum. I'll be there in a jiffy!"

 _ **Oh that Miss Applescotch. Just as silly and carefree as her uncle, whom you probably better remember as the former mayor of Townsville.**_

 _ **Where's that goofy old man these days post-retirement? That's a question to be answered in a future chapter.**_

"Was that Miss Applescotch, Mayor?"

"It sure was, Blossom. She'll...be joining us shortly."

"I'm not too sure if there'll be a concert for her to attend by the time Morbucks hits the stage and catches wind of our presence."

"No shit that doofus is going to see dick, Blossom. Fuck, I even believe the cunt will want to rip our fuckin' throats out once she spots us in the crowd."

"Does Buttercup really have to use such foul language, Blossom and Bubbles?"

"We've tried getting her to tone it down, but she never listens. You just have to get used to it sooner or later."

"Unfortunately, that's the truth. I really does grating after a while, but what the heck can we do about it? She's our sister and we still love her regardless of her potty mouth."

"Uh, what about me? I sometimes say stuff like 'fuck, shit, damn and cocksucker', yet you don't take any offense with it."

"That's because you're just Buttercup's boyfriend, Ken. We might take more offense if you were her husband, but knowing the both of you, neither of you are all that interested in marriage."

"Oh god fuckin' dammit, Blossom! Why do you always sling that shit to us?! For a girl who hasn't really committed herself to a relationship, you always need to surgically dissect me and Ken's! Fuck, that gets so annoying sometimes!"

 _ **Well I guess it only took this long for the girls to start criticizing each other for their own relationship statuses in this story. Don't worry, though, readers. It won't take up too much of your time.**_

"...yeah. How come you don't ever think of my ow...oh wait, i'm not supposed to bring that up. Disregard what I just said, everyone."

"Uh...what was that, Bubbles?"

"Nothing, Blossom."

"...right.

"I take it you didn't hear a single thing, Buttercup."

"Exactly."

 _ **Uh oh, girls. I think the concert is about to begin. The lights have dimmed in the crowd and greatly illuminated the stage.**_

 _ **Things are only about to get crazier from here, readers. Take my word for it.**_

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Welcome to the Townsville Concert Hall, where we are proud to present you tonight's musical guest.

Eleven years ago, you may remember her as a one-time member of our community, but after all those years, she has returned as a multimillion dollar pop music sensation to entertain us all, so gather around and give a warm welcome to our Townsville's very own 'Queen Morbucks!"

 _ **An applause...for Queen Morbucks?! Oh no. That's not a good sign...or maybe it is since a negative reception to a homecoming could've been even worse for our city.**_

 _ **...errrr I take that back. Her music is TERRIBLE!**_

 _You bitches, i'm back in the house! Queen Morbucks to buy out your paycheck! Still stealin' boys for my own crew! Yeah! That's how much of a bitch I am!_

"Aw fuck! My ears hurt! I can't stand this fucking shit! Must pretend i'm playing my own music for my own goddamn sanity, Ken!"

"My exact thoughts, Buttercup. My exact thoughts...except they're not loud enough to block this godawful music!"

"Too much auto-tune! TOO MUCH AUTO-TUNE!"

"I like to think most of my viewers are big fans of this style of music and I, for one, Robin, do like a good share of pop music...but Queen Morbucks is really lousy and generic by hip-hop driven pop music standards!"

 _I….am truly the hottest shit, YEAH!_

((( _She's truly the best_ )))

 _I...am truly the biggest, hypest shit, YEAH!_

((( _She's truly the best_ )))

 _That's why i'm...WORTH SIX BILLION DOLLARS TO SELL YOUR BLINGED OUT GRILLS FOR, BOYS!_

"Sorry for being late, Mayor...ooooohhhhh. I just came in time to see Morbucks on stage. YES!"

"Oh I can't believe you really like this trash, Gemma. Oh brother."

 _ **If I could just turn the camera towards me, you would see that I too am face-palming like Mayor Bellum.**_

 _ **That's how bad Morbucks really is. It's that bad. Like...almost Shaggs levels of ineptness.**_

 _ **However, I think Buttercup has had it with this clown show. Time to see her self-destruct in classic fashion.**_

"STOP FUCKING SINGING! STOP...FUCKING...SINGING!"

 _ **And it looks like it worked like a charm as Queen Morbucks suddenly noticed that one of her old foes is in the audience. What she doesn't know, though, is that ALL of them are present.**_

"Bu...Bu...bu...Buttercup? Is that you? I didn't recognize you since it seems like you finally grew fingers at some point."

"You're damn right, Little Miss Snobby Pants! Your attitude as a child sucks shit and your music sucks shit even harder!"

"And I can back that statement up, Buttercup!"

"Me too!"

"Plus now I can REALLY give you a true knuckle sandwich since you've noticed my hands!"

 _{''Shit! It's all coming back to me. All those formative years of asking mommy and daddy to help me crush those formerly fingerless abominations of science. From my offer being rejected to fight alongside them to the time I teamed up with that filthy ape, the oversized backwoods plush toy and who might've actually been Lucifer himself, it's all coming right back...and I don't like it.''}_

 _ **Well, readers...prepare for this now-grown up royal pain in the ass to explode.**_

 _ **Things are gonna get butt ass ugly!**_

"ARRRRGHHHHHH! I HATE YOU SO GODDAMN MUCH, POWERPUFF GIRLS!"

"My lady. I present you...THY SUIT OF EXTREME EXTRAVAGANCE!"

 _ **What a surprise. Queen Morbucks had a new suit built for her.**_

 _ **Go fight her girls! Fight her just like the good ol' times!**_

"One promised knuckle sandwich coming right up, Morbucks!"

WOOSH!

"Huh?"

KA-WHACK!

"Aw fuck!"

"Doesn't that hurt, Buttercup? My old suits were too weak, but over the years, I had my parents pay some scientists an arm and a leg to develop special weapons for this specific suit just in time for my twenty first birthday. I got so...so...so many grisly little tools to test on you pesky fuckin' girls!"

"That's fuckin' bullshit, Morbucks! Complete fuckin' bullshit!"

"Not if I introduce you to my best new friend. A really, really sharp slap of cold steel!"

SNIKT!

SLASH!

SPLAT!

SQUISH! SQUASH! SPLUUURRRRG!

"BUTTERCUP!"

 _ **Yeech! I never imagined seeing one of the girls bleeding like that in my entire career as narrator! I feel bad for the janitor that's going to have to clean all that blood off the stage floor.**_

* * *

"Uhhh...this fighting is stunning and all, Mayor, but you forgot one crucial thing."

"What now, Gemma?"

"You forgot to take the cap off this bottle of soda."

"Oh gimme that!"

 _ **And with one quick crank, Mayor Bellum removed the cap off of Miss Applescotch's soda bottle, ending her otherwise silly dilemma.**_

"Thank you, Sara. Thank you so much. Gulp, gulp, gulp."

"Eh, don't even thank me. I got enough of that from your uncle every time I would open the pickle jar for me. If only I got a dime every single time I had to do that."

* * *

 _{''Please don't die on me, baby. We got so much more time to spend together...and so does your father and sisters.''}_

"Come on, Blossom and Bubbles! Don't be such pussies! Save your goddamn sister from ME!"

"Alright, Bubbles. Time to pull a good ol' sneak attac..."

"Not this time, Powerpuff Bitches! Try to sneak up on a highly explosive ROCKET!"

 _ **A rocket? A highly explosive rocket?! Please hurry and get that blasted thing away from us! We're not being directed by Zack Snyder, so there's absolutely no need for unnecessary collateral damage!**_

 _ **At least Blossom listened to me since she ended up catching the damn thing.**_

"Bubbles! Make an opening in the ceiling! I gotta send this bad boy out of here ASAP!"

"Will do, Blossom!"

 _ **Hurry, Bubbles! Get that hole mad**_ **e! We can't afford to see this music hall blow up into smithereens!** **Let alone see some innocent civilians reduced to ground beef!**

"Done. Now take that bad boy outta here before it blows up and hurts everything, Blossom!"

 _ **Go Blossom Go! Fly away and toss that rocket into the sky!**_

"Hurry, girls. We can't afford this rotten pop star to do any more damage to this city she turned her back on many years ago!"

"I'll take her on, Mayor!"

 _ **Go Bubbles Go! Do your best and teach that haughty diva a lesson in humility!**_

* * *

"Baby, are you okay?"

"...uhhghhhh...I think so. How bad are my injuries?"

"Thankfully not bad enough to mandate a visit to the emergency room, Buttercup."

"Fuck yeah, that's good to know it's less severe than I expected."

"Well...I suppose you can get back in the fray and help your sisters out beat the shit out of that terrible as fuck pop star."

"MOST FUCKING DEFINITELY!"

SWOOSH!

"Yes. Go kick Morbucks' ass punk rock style, Buttercup! Go kick her ass!"

 _ **Go Buttercup Go! Show Queen Morbucks what your average moshpit participant does to each other! Make her humble enough for jail time!**_

* * *

"About time, bitches! Come and get me!"

SMACK!

THWONK!

"How does that knuckle sandwich taste, Queen Bitch?!"

"UGHHHHH! I swear you still hurt too fuckin' hard, Buttercup! Now have a taste of THIS!"

WHACK!

"Heh. You punched harder as a child, Morbucks. Too much shitty pop music performances have taken a toll on your strength.

"You're a dirty liar! LIAR!"

"Psst. Behind you."

"What?"

BHA-WHOOAM!

CRACK!

SKI-TISH! SKI-TISH! SKI-TISH!

"Good one, Blossom."

"It's all in the arms, Buttercup."

"My turn, sisters! HEEEE-YAWH!"

SHA-WHACK!

"Did you record that, Robin?"

"I sure did, Bubbles. Should make a great thumbnail for the podcast."

"Awesome!"

 _ **Ah yes, the girls have not lost a step in their crime fighting skills. Ms. Morbucks' crime making skills, on the other hand…**_

* * *

"Oh god dammit! I knew I should've paid that shaolin master next door top buck to train me in the arts of misery! SHIT! God dammit, god dammit, GOD DAMMIT!"

"Aren't you too old to be having a temper tantrum, Morbucks?"

"I think a better activity for her would be to put on a fuckin' diaper on and shove a fuckin' pacifier down her fuckin' throat so she can show the whole damn world what a fuckin' baby she really is!"

"Nah...that wouldn't be necessary at all, Buttercup. Just watch."

SHA-WHACK!

"AHHHH...I'LL GET MY REVENGE, YOU FUCKIN' POWERPUFF CUNTS!"

 _ **Good swinging, Bubbles. Got her thrown right into the slammer without even calling the cops.**_

 _ **And with that said...the day has been SAVED!**_

 _ **Thanks to…**_

 _ **THE POWERPUFF GIRLS!**_

 **THE END**

* * *

Townsville Public Records

File No. 378154

Bubbles Utonium

Age: 23

Hair Color: Blonde

Breast size: H

Height: Five Feet, Four Inches

Weight: One Hundred and Fifty Three Pounds

Special achievements: 2009 Townsville High Video Class Best Video of the Year, 2011 Townsville SPCA Pet Helper of the Year.

Non-crime fighting activities: Co-founder of the hit Podcast "Bubbles and Robin's Completely Awesome Show" and Townsville News Channel's Animal Expert.

Relationship Status: Classified

{{{End Transmission}}}


	3. The Fan Strikes Back!

Chapter 3: The Fan Strikes Back!

 _ **The city of Townsville...IS UNDER ATTACK FROM ANOTHER GIANT MONSTER!**_

 _ **RUUUUUNNNNN!**_

"Aw shit. It really is another giant monster! I'm getting the fuck out of here!"

 _ **SCRE-RAWWWWWW! GRRRRRRRR!**_

"Mayor Bellum...GET UNDER THE DESK! THE GIANT MONSTER MIGHT WANT TO EAT US!"

"Calm down, Gemma. The Powerpuff Girls got this covered. They've been on top of this for the past twenty four years...with minor exceptions here and there. All you need to do to contact them is use the hotline."

"...uhhh...what hotline, Sara?"

"The one that looks like a child's toy, you dunce!"

"...oh."

 _ **Oh that Ms. Applescotch. Making her uncle proud in the family tree of utter moronacy.**_

"So I just pick it up and scream 'Powerpuff Girls, we need your help!'?"

"Exactly, Gemma. Didn't you ever pay attention to your uncle doing exactly that whenever you visited the office?"

"..ummm….I can't remember."

"Oh for cryin' out loud, give me the damn phone! I'll show you how it's done."

"Okay, Sara."

 _ **Well at least Miss Applescotch is useful for one thing...and that is giving the Powerpuff Hotline to her boss Mayor Bellum.**_

* * *

 _ **And as Mayor Bellum picked up the phone off its receiver, three equally silly looking, overtly colored plastic cellphones each girl respectively had in their possession rang, making them grind the activities they were in the middle of doing to a grinding halt.**_

 _ **Blossom was examining papers regarding a recent visit to Uganda.**_

 _ **Bubbles was uploading the most recent episode of her podcast series.**_

 _ **And Buttercup...well...she received the call midcoitus.**_

"Uh Ken, honey. I gotta take this call."

"Aw man. Why is it when we're halfway throughbumping uglies you get a call to save the world. Can't the world just let a happy couple have sex from start to finish for once?"

"I know, Ken. It sucks this always happen at this time. At least we always finish things up as soon as I get back."

"I know, I know, Buttercup. Personally, it'd be a miracle for us to have one complete love making session, not one that's broken up into two halves."

 _ **So right as all three girls picked up their respective phones, they heard Mayor Bellum say this particular sentence.**_

"You know what to do, girls."

"YES!"

 _ **And thus, The Powerpuff Girls hung up their phones and made their final preparations to go kick some giant monster ass!**_

"Anyway, I gotta go, Ken. Just...try to stay hard as long as possible while i'm gone."

"Uhhh...i'll try my best to."

SWOOSH!

"Aw man. I wish I could hire a fluffer for times like this."

 _ **Hurry Buttercup! I think the monster is making breakfast with your fellow Townsville folk!**_

"Mmmmm….humans are so delicious!"

"Oh my god! The monster made a human shish kebab! So much blood everywhere!"

 _ **Yikes! That guy isn't kidding. The monster is impaling people with his claws and eating them! Hurry girls! Hurry before its too late!**_

SHWENG!

"Not so fast, giant monster!"

"You've had your last meal, mister!"

"I'm gonna make you puke that shit up so hard, you'll puke your fuckin' guts out!"

"Hah! We'll see about that!"

SHWHACK!

"OW! THAT FUCKIN' HURT!"

"Yawn! I remember giant monsters being much stronger in our childhood."

"Perhaps the monsters back then were more passionate in their destructive ways."

"More like this shitty ass monster is a piss-poor embarrassment to the others!"

"I'm not some fuckin' push-over, you Powerpuff sluts!"

"Well...be our guest and try to inflict some damage on us."

"Yeah, big mean mister monster. Try and actually injure us. I'd give me some material for my next podcast."

"Fuck yeah, I could use a badass scar to show my boyfriend next time I get naked for him!"

"Uhhh...Buttercup. That doesn't sound very appealing."

"Oh come on, Blossom. People find scars sexy!"

"...eh, I guess its some kind of fetish I can't really comprehend then."

"Will you two stop bickering and fight me?!"

"Only if you hit us first."

"Ugh...alright. As you goddamn wish!"

SLASH!

SCRATCH!

SKIRTH!

ZLITCH!

"Awwww shit. Not a single scratch on them at all. Uhhhh….crap."

"Hah. Just proved us right. Ready to show him true power, sisters?"

"Definitely, Blossom."

"More than fuckin' ready to!"

"Alright...ATTACK!"

SMACK!

SPLAT!

SQUIRT!

CRUNCH!

SPLURCH!

GLUCH!

URCK!

SNAP!

SKENCH! TWIST! CRACK! SQUISH!

 _ **Well...the girls are certainly kicking that monster's ass...I just think that...uhhh...they're going a little too far with this monster's ass beating.**_

 _ **I don't really think it's all that necessary to tear it apart piece by piece.**_

 _ **And...oh...they made its head explode too. I'm sure the Townsville clean-up crew will appreciate having to get all of that monster goo off the buildings and streets.**_

* * *

 _ **That said, the girls' fellow citizens sure don't mind their beloved city being painted by monster plasma.**_

 _ **Especially one incredibly buffed up, bald individual that appears to be paying attention to one of the girls.**_

 _ **Perhaps a little...too much attention to be honest.**_

"Well, sisters. I always love the smell of splattered giant monster guts in the morning. Smells like...success."

"And success is something that makes a beautiful woman attractive to me, Blossom."

 _ **Uh oh. Looks like that brickhouse of a man with the conspicuous Sean Connery imitation voice is takin' a liking to Blossom.**_

 _ **Will it pan out, readers? I honestly don't even know.**_

"Thank you very much, kind sir. What is your name?"

"Leonard. Leonard LaBaux. Nice to meet you."

"Uhhh...nice to meet you too, Mr. LaBaux."

"Look at that, Buttercup. Blossom is actually having some sweet talking with another person."

"I'd be surprised as fuck if this actually goes anywhere, Bubbles."

"Agreed wholeheartedly."

 _{''Please ask me out on a date, Blossom. Please ask me out. I'd be the happiest damn man in Townsville if you were to go on a date with me.''}_

"So...uhhh...are you going to be busy later today?"

"Not really, Leonard. Ummm...is there something you're trying to allude to?"

"Uhhhh….well...there is one thing I would LOVE to ask, but since you're an obviously busy woman who probably has no time for special solo occasions, i'd figure that..."

"If you want to go out on a date with me, i'd be down for it, Mr. LaBaux."

 _{''Holy shit! She said 'yes'!''}_

"Whoa. Blossom really is going out on a date, Buttercup."

"We'll see if she backs out from it or not."

"I don't know if she's try to worm her way out of a date, sister. That would be too cold and cruel of an action for her standards."

"Well if she manages to make it through an entire date, i'll definitely swallow next time I play with Ken's flute, Bubbles."

"...eww...that's kinda a gross dare to put yourself through, Buttercup."

"And i've read much worse on the internet."

"Don't say anymore, sis. I wouldn't even ask Robin about this subject on the podcast."

"K, fine."

 _{''I'll still follow through my own dare, though.''}_

 _ **Oh Bubbles and Buttercup. Still arguing with each other over your sister.**_

 _ **So adorable.**_

 _ **...so let's see where things with Blossom and Mr. LaBaux are heading.**_

"So..seven o'clock at the Eon?"

"Yes, Mr. LaBaux. I'll do my darnedest to not be late."

"You're concerned you might be late, Blossom. That's rather surprising."

"Not if you're someone like me, who's pretty much traveling the globe on a daily basis and will often pay visits at City Hall. That being said, i'm actually free for once for the rest of the day, so there should be no excuse for me to not make it to dinner."

"Well...I hope you keep your promise, Blossom. I look forward to some intimacy with you."

"So do I, Mr. LaBaux."

 _ **And thus, our very own Blossom is going out on a date.**_

 _ **Perhaps she's considering to experiment with romance for once since Buttercup beat her to the punch several years ago and Bubbles...uhhhh...yeah i'm not sure about what Bubbles' relationship status actually is.**_

* * *

 _ **With that said...its now several hours later, in which that Leonard LaBaux fellow is waiting for Blossom to arrive at The Eon Restaurant.**_

 _ **A very special place that has top of the line meals for a top of the line dollar.**_

"Ready to make your order sir?"

"Not yet, ma'am. Just waiting for you date."

"Mmmmkay, i'll just be back here in a minu..."

WOOSH!

"Sorry to be running a little late."

"….whoa. Nice to see you here, Blossom. This must be the first time you've gone out to eat here with someone that isn't your sisters or father."

"Yup. I'd say it was about time to experiment with my empty love life."

"Better late than never, Blossom."

"I was about to say the same thing, waitress."

 _ **Huh. Looks like Mr. LaBaux is jumping the gun a little.**_

"So I take it you'll be ordering the usual, Blossom."

"Of course, waitress."

"And you, Mr. LaBaux. Finally figured out what you'll be ordering?"

"I'll have the bacon cheese stuffed lobster with a side of spaghetti and pilaf, ma'am."

"An excellent choice, sir. I'll have the dishes out for you within the next twenty minutes."

"Thank you."

 _ **So a really muscular guy is ordering something that would be quite fattening? Something sure smells fishy here...and I know for sure it won't be the lobster Mr. LaBaux ordered i'll be smelling.**_

"So are you some kind of entrepreneur, Leonard? I sure don't recognize you in our beloved town."

"Yes I am, Blossom. I've built a company from the ground up four years ago and here I am. Rich, in great shape and feeling the best in my whole life."

"That's great to hear, Leonard. Can you explain what kind of busin..."

 _ **Whoa. Look at Blossom. She seems really intrigued by what this Leonard LaBaux fellow has to offer.**_

 _ **S**_ _ **o intrigued, they carried on for quite some time. Even while eating their respective meals!**_

 _ **Heck...things go so friendly between them, Leonard offered Blossom a ride to his place and accepted it.**_

 _ **Something that caught Blossom's sisters off-guard.**_

"Holy fucking shit! She made it through an entire date!"

"So does that mean you'll be swallowing Ken's load the next time you fiddle with his wiener, Buttercup?"

"….ummm….yeah, Bubbles. I'll be going through with what I said I would do when I made the dare in the first place. I'm sure it won't be too hard of a thing to do."

"Good. I'll be sure to ask Ken first thing tomorrow."

 _ **Hah. Just judging by Buttercup's face, she's not too thrilled to do that now since she has to go through with it.**_

 _ **As for Blossom and Leonard LaBaux, things seemed pretty smooth between them during the ride home, but Leonard made an offer to our Blossom that she wasn't too terribly comfortable to accept.**_

"Would you mind coming in for some coffee, Blossom? I make the damn best coffee in town!"

"….uhhhh...i'm afraid I can't, Leonard. Maybe next time."

"...alright. Ummm...guess i'll see you again soon?"

"Yeah. I look forward to spending more time with you on my free time, Leonard."

"Same here...Blossom."

SHA-WASHAO!

"Bye, Blossom. You sure as heck made my night!"

 _ **Look at that, readers. Powerpuff Blossom...is in love.**_

 _ **Doesn't it just tug your heart strings?**_

* * *

 _ **Well...in the ensuring weeks after their first date, Blossom and Leonard would continue to go out dates on fairly sporadic basis in between the usual crime fighting antics.**_

 _ **Some would involve them going to the movies, some would have them casually strolling through the park and some would, of course, be them at a table for two, eating more top of the line food for a top of the line dollar.**_

 _ **But just as the first date ended, Blossom would turn down more offers to come inside Leonard's home for a cup of coffee only to fly back to her home, leaving who might actually be her first ever boyfriend without some bedside intimacy.**_

 _ **However...one particular night, where they decided to eat at very fancy little place that involved plenty of iconic, slow paced classic music compositions performed live as the patrons ate, Mr. LaBaux would propose something to Blossom that would caress her soul quite a bit.**_

"Since we've been going out on dates for quite a while now, Blossom, how about we...uhhh..."

"We what, Leonard? I really would like you to spit it out without hesitation. You know very well I like to deal things directly both emotionally and especially physically."

"Well...I wanted to ask if you...uhhh...want to be my girlfriend. Is that direct enough?"

"Hmmm...let me think about it."

 _ **And that's what Blossom exactly did...for a minute before coming to a decision.**_

"...the answer is...yes, Leonard. A very solid, firm yes."

"ALL RIGHT! THAT'S GREAT!"

"Oh please don't make me flattered, Leonard."

 _ **Awwww...look at that. Blossom blushing because of her very first boyfriend.**_

 _ **She has grown so much.**_

"I think I just found one of your weaknesses, Blossom."

"Heh...perhaps you have, Leonard."

 _ **Such great chemistry between those two.**_

 _ **And since they're now an official couple, does that mean Blossom will finally accept the offer to go inside Leonard's place and have some coffee with him?"**_

"I'd be glad to."

"Great. Come right in. It'll only take me a few minutes to get it made. You will certainly feel guilty not accepting it after all this time."

 _ **Uh oh. Something might be amiss with Leonard LaBaux. He finally manages to get Blossom in his house for a cup of coffee and he changes his demeanor.**_

 _ **Worst of all...Blossom didn't even notice!**_

* * *

"Here it is, my love. The greatest coffee ever made in Townsville!"

"Thank you kindly, Leonard."

"So...have you ever made love with another, Blossom?"

"...I beg your pardon?"

"I'm not joking with you, Blossom. I'm asking you a legit question."

"Well...I...I...I actually haven't."

"Interesting. Have you even pleasured yourself?"

"...no."

"Wow. You...the leader of the Powerpuff Girls...has never had any sexual urges up until this point. That's quite an accomplishment."

"I don't think my sister Bubbles has had sex either...though the same absolutely cannot be said about Buttercup."

"I know. The few times I ran into her, I could just smell the stench of sex breezing off her flesh."

"...that's...a very awkward way to put it, Leonard. Still...if we're going to do it, you need to have some condoms in hand."

"Of course I do, Blossom. See? I've come prepared."

 _ **Oh boy, this evening has taken a very, very awkward turn.**_

 _ **...but what's that? Something's hiding in that bowl of dry cereal on the table, spying on the newly minted couple.**_

 _ **Something...very electronic in nature.**_

* * *

"Buttercup. By the looks of it, your sister Blossom is a couple of minutes away from popping her cherry."

"You gotta be fuckin' kidding, Ken. She's only now granting him permission to pound her pussy?! Shhhhhiiiit!"

"Yup."

"Fuck me, that's way too long for any one person...especially one as world renowned as my own sister, to go without having any hanky fuckin' panky."

"So what about your other sister Bubbles? She doesn't appear to be dating anyone either….I think."

"I honestly don't know what the hell Bubbles is up to myself, though she's around Robin an awful lot."

"Don't they co-operate a podcast series? Wouldn't that be a good reason for her to hang out with Robin on a regular basis?"

"...right."

"So...speaking of Bubbles, shouldn't you give her an update on Blossom's ongoing situation?"

"Yeah. Just hang on a second."

 _ **And by notifying Bubbles, she certainly did.**_

"Hello? This is Bubbles Utonium speaking."

"Just me."

"What's going on, Buttercup? Something's going on with Blossom and that Leonard guy?"

"Yup. They're going to fuck at any minute now."

"Hold the phone, Buttercup! You're being serious?"

"Fuck yeah I am."

"Wow! That's crazy to know, sis. Should we fly to Mr. LaBaux's in case things get ugly?"

"Yeah sure. We wouldn't want to leave our sister high and dry if Leonard turns out to be a dirty fucking rapist or some other kind of fucked up shit like that."

"Good idea."

"I take it you're going somewhere, Bubbles."

"Yes, Robin. Me and Buttercup need to keep an eye on Blossom to see if she needs our help or not."

"Okay. Just try to get back before midnight so you don't end up not participating in our show's late night live stream."

"I certainly will do my best to."

SHHHAAA-WOOSH!

"Well...you think we can have our own fun time in bed when you get back, Buttercup?"

"Fuck yeah we will, Ken. Best of all, if I do have to beat the shit out of Leonard if he tries to rape Blossom, then i'll feel extra horny when I get back."

"...uhhhh...that sounds kinda jacked up, baby."

"...yeah. On second thought, I feel dirty as all fuck just by saying that."

"It's okay, Buttercup. At least you admit you're not a sadist of sorts."

"Anyway, I gotta go. Bubbles is probably waiting for my ass to get there already."

"Bye, Buttercup. Looking forward to some uninterrupted late night sex when you get back."

SHWAMN!

* * *

 _ **Right as Bubbles and Buttercup arrived outside Leonard LaBaux's home, things between him and Blossom...took a turn for the semi-erotic.**_

"Did you get that kinky dress I bought you on yet, Blossom?"

"...yes, Leonard. I'm just not sure if I feel comfortable wearing it."

"Don't be shy, my love. I'm one hundred percent positive you look absolutely ravishing in it."

"...okay, Leonard.. Here...I come."

 _ **...wow. I thought I would never say this in my entire career as a narrator, but...damn! Blossom, all grown up, is quite the stunner in such a provocative piece of sleep wear.**_

 _ **I feel a little dirty just saying since, since i've narrated her adventures ever since she was a child but...I can't help myself.**_

 _ **Here's hoping things don't get too rotten between her and Leonard LaBaux though.**_

"Oh...my...goodness! You look absolutely drop dead gorgeous, Blossom. I sure made a great decision buying that dress for you. An even greater miracle is that it fits you perfectly too!"

"...thanks. Ummm...why did you strip down to your boxers?"

"Its because we're about to make some magic, my love."

"...okay."

"Don't walk over here, Blossom. Please...float into my arms instead. It'll be sexier that way."

"Whatever you say."

 _ **I'd have to admit this. It's kinda awkward seeing Blossom, as a grown up, floating around the house like she would as a child.**_

 _ **There really is something Leonard LaBaux is hiding from us.**_

"Oh baby. Your body is so tight. So much tighter than I expected."

"Ummm...i'm not sure if I feel comfortable with you fondling with my breasts."

"C'mon, Blossom. We're a couple now. I'm entitled to getting intimate with you...and even more entitled to see you naked."

"Ugh...this is starting to feel too one sided, Leonard. I need to feel some pleasure in this myself."

 _ **I agree with you, Blossom. A relationship is not a one way only street. It's more like an intersection.**_

"Oh my god. Her breasts are even better without a bra! ... _t_ _his is the best damn day of my life!_ "

 _ **Did my ears just play tricks on me or did Leonard LaBaux change his voice all of a sudden?!**_

 _ **Blossom certainly noticed that too!**_

 _{''Oh no! What have I gotten myself into?! That voice...I swear i've heard it somewhere before!''}_

THWHACK!

"HEY! Why did you push me off my damn bed! Was it something I said or was it something I did?!"

"Your voice changed, Leonard! You're not who you say you are!"

"Oh! I let that old thing slip out by accident? Well let me tell you something, Powerpuff Blossom... _this day was a long time coming!_ "

 _ **He did it again, that son of a bitch! I swear I too remember that voice from a long time ago as well!**_

"No...I can't be. There's no way that could be you! I remember you looking so much..."

" _...fatter? Well of course I used to be riddled with nagging health problems, Blossom, but that's all in the past now...thanks to you and your sisters!_ "

"How...how and when did they let you out of jail...Lenny Baxter?!"

" _Precisely six years ago, Blossom. You see...when I was put into prison, I decided to change my life around for the better since being a fat-ass in prison is not exactly something to be proud of, so I got some help from the locals, turned myself around and sculpted my flabby exterior into something truly incredible._ _I did lose my hair as I got older, but being a bald man with a muscular body is far more ideal than being a fat sack of crap with any sort of hair on my scalp._ "

"Then explain why you still had an obsession with us? Wouldn't you being tossed into the slammer throw all of your faboyisms towards us a long time ago?"

" _Not at all, Blossom. In fact...since I knew by the time I was to be let out of prison, i'd figure that you girls would be old enough for me to have legal sex with. Sure...when you and the other Powerpuffs were younger, my interest was on the same level with any other typical Powerpuff Girl fan, but as you three kids matured into three beautiful women, my fan obsession turned into something overtly sexual. Hell...the night you all turned eighteen, I dedicated myself to what was quite possible the best beat-off session I ever had._ "

"...gross. Just..absolutely gross."

" _Hey at least I waited till you were of age to jerk off to pictures of you and your sisters. There was no fucking way I could go on with my life if I ever contemplated doing the same when you were just teenagers. That shit is too disgusting even by my standards!_ "

"So why did you pick me to be the one you were to swindle into a romantic relationship?"

" _That's easy to explain, Blossom. By the time I threw that plan into motion, Buttercup was already dating that Ken Kavinsky fellow and according to my gaydar, trying to hook up with Bubbles was out of the question, so of course that left you as the only viable option...as well as the most desirable, since you were always my favorite Powerpuff since day one._ "

"...how predictable. I'm always the pervert's favorite Powerpuff. Tell me something that's not new."

" _How about we cut the crap and resume what we were supposed to be doing in the first place!_ "

 _ **That sick S.O.B.! How dare he thinks he can have fun time with Blossom after revealing his true identity to her?!**_

"Why did you rip your boxers off...and why are you stiff? You get off just by being around me?"

" _NO! I want you to get on your knees and_ _wash my pipe._ "

 _{''Man. The longer i'm stuck with this perverted jerk', the more I just want to wail on his fa...oh wait! I got an IDEA!''}_

"You want me to clean your pipe? Well...one pipe cleaning coming right up!"

" _Finally! The exact words i've been waiting to come out of your mouth!_ "

 _{''Well...time to give Lenny what he wants...except not.''}_

 _ **Hmmm...I wonder what Blossom is up to.**_

 _ **Is she really going to give Lenny the pleasure he begs for or will she…**_

SNAP!

" _AHHHHHHHH! THAT HURTS! THAT HURTS! THAT HURTS SO DAMN MUCH!_ "

"How does that feel, Lenny? Did that make you feel better!"

" _NOT AT ALL FOR GOD'S SAKE! WHAT IN THE LIVING HELL WERE YOU...OOOOHHHHH...THINKING?!_ "

"It's exactly what you deserved. However...don't you dare think i'm even finished with you."

 _ **Oh boy, readers. Looks like Blossom is about to lay the smackdown on ol' Lenny Baxter. Perhaps in a way that would leave long lasting effects the beatdown he got all those years ago didn't even get close enough to achieving.**_

WHACK!

SMACK!

SLAP!

BAM!

DOOSH!

WU-OSH!

CRUNCH!

SKRINCH!

SPLAT!

FRACK!

THUD!

"Well...I guess I beat him into unconsciousness."

CRASH!

"Blossom, are you okay?"

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT! WHAT IN THE LIVING FUCK DID YOU DO TO HIM? THAT'S...QUITE POSSIBLY THE MOST BADASS ASS WHOOPING YOU EVER DELIVERED TO SOMEONE ON YOUR OWN!"

"You won't believe who Leonard LaBaux really is. That man that had me thinking he was a stud on a white steed...was none other than Lenny Baxter!"

"Oh no! Not Lenny Baxter!"

"DAMN! I never saw that shit coming! At least he got the beating he truly deserved all those years ago."

"A good way to close the book on the time he treated us like merchandise."

 _ **Hah! You girls can be so hammy sometimes.**_

 _ **Anyhow...Blossom's virginity has been saved…**_

 _ **...thanks to…**_

 _ **HERSELF!**_

 **THE END**

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"I take it you got the unholy hell beaten out of you, Mr. Baxter." a man sitting a wheelchair asked Lenny as he saw him standing in front of him, patched up in bandages.

"...yes, sir. I certainly did." Lenny replied as sweat ran down his forehead. "How about your little mission to ruin The Powerpuff Girls' credibility? Is that going as planned?"

"There is a little bit of movement on it, but not enough to truly tarnish the memory many had of them in their youth." the wheelchair bound man responded as he then cleaned his glasses for a brief amount of time, only to then put them back on.

"I guess the ratings of the cartoon based on them haven't been too hot yet?" Lenny replied back as then cringed a little as he felt a slight aching in his fractured penis.

"For now, they aren't, but trust me...the ratings will rise and people will think of The Powerpuff Girls as a complete joke that rely on limp-wristed faux feminism and outdated internet memes, complete with making their fighting skills seem absolutely null." the wheelchair bound man told Lenny, elaborating on the process of his plan to make The Powerpuff Girls look bad in the public eye.

"So...can you please explain to me how you managed to survive the factory explosion and downing an entire bottle of Chemical X? I mean...you have the injuries to prove you went through that, but your survival to this day is just a complete mystery." Lenny asked, curious to know about such things.

"Sorry, Lenny, but I cannot provide the graphic details of my survival, for right now, I need to conduct other business." the man in the wheelchair replied as he then rolled away from Lenny to answer a phone call. "Ma'am. What new info you have to present me?"

"Powerpuff Buttercup is the frontwoman of a punk rock band. We cannot have a little girl spitting out lyrics of true social injustice in our TV show, let around throw herself into male dominated mosh pits. We're requesting a complete change in her music taste for our series and need your approval beforehand." the woman on the other end of the line replied, sounding concerned in a very manufactured, corporate manner.

"Feel free to make such changes, ma'am. In fact...I want you to tell the animators to whip out a commercial where Buttercup beat boxes while Blossom raps." the man in the wheelchair replied, taking much gusto into inevitably infuriating the real life Buttercup.

"Gotcha, sir. Thanks to helping us and the network out. Till next time." the woman told the man in the wheelchair as they then both hung up their respective cellphones.

"Everything in motion is going is planned. My revenge of The Powerpuff Girls is going to be the greatest achievement of my entire life...and it'll be so...so...sweet. Ha ha ha ha hah!" the man in the wheelchair told himself as he rolled further into the darkness, exposing his own malicious desires to see The Powerpuff Girls defeated not through physical exertion nor psychological torment, but rather sheer corporate dissection.

* * *

Townsville Public Records

File No. 378155

Buttercup Utonium

Age: 23

Hair Color: Black with Dyed Green Hightlights

Breast size: D

Height: Five Feet, Eight Inches

Weight: One Hundred and Twenty Five Pounds

Special achievements: 2008 Townsville High MMA Club Bantamweight Champion. Razorcake Magazine's Best Female Vocalist of 2013.

Non-crime fighting activities: Frontwoman for the Hardcore Punk Rock band "Negligent Assailant". Occasionally participates in illegal street fighting.

Relationship Status: In a Relationship.

{{{End Transmission}}}


	4. Make America Fuzzy Again

Chapter 4: Make America Fuzzy Again

 _ **The City of Townsville!**_

 _ **A city that is the heartbeat of America.**_

 _ **A heartbeat that does not tolerate injustice, hatred and bigotry, as does most parts of America.**_

 _ **Some, however...bask in their hatred and two unlikely individuals are about to take American politics by storm.**_

 _ **Two..super unlikely individuals you wouldn't ever expect to get into politics in the first place.**_

"Oh muh darlin', oh muh darlin', oh muh darlin' dirt pie Gertrude."

 _Let me tell you, Cici. That damn President Kobe is always piledriving our economy into the pig pen!_

 _Exactly! He's always too darn tootin' busy playing B-Ball rather than going to the Middle East and giving those ragheads concussions!_

 _I think he's just afraid they'll scream their catchphrase and blow him up to smithereens. Something the American public would be most proud of._

 _Which is why I can safely say on air...good riddance his presidency is coming to an end this year!_

"Well i'll be damn. By the sound of it, America needs a change...and I think I could be what they'll be begging for. A good ol' fashion country boy from the rural area that is a shining example of the American way."

 _ **But isn't Fuzzy Lumpkins one of the bad guys? How in the world would a criminal could even contemplate a run for president?**_

 _ **This certainly gives me one migraine too many.**_

"As for this day...I am going to run for president of the United States! Time to make America...FUZZY AGAIN!"

 _ **Oh great. This is going to end so well for everyone.**_

 _ **Gimme a break.**_

"Girls. I just spotted one of your old foes at the market place. I think his name is Fuzzy Lumpkins if I recall correctly."

"Is he doing anything bad yet, Mayor Bellum?"

"Not yet, Blossom, but if he makes a ruckus, i'll call right back ASAP."

"Gotcha."

"So are we going to kick butt, Blossom?"

"Not yet, Bubbles….and don't get any funny ideas, Buttercup. We're heroes, not vigilantes."

"Right."

 _{''Hmmm...it is nighttime, so if I can't keep an eye on who might make some fuckin' trouble as myself, I could always take a different as fuck route to do it.''}_

 _ **Say...is Buttercup about to revive a short lived alter ego of hers she never really got to showcase its abilities due to that episode's moral?**_

 _ **I dunno, but if it's the case, it'll be great to see what Mange really has to offer.**_

"You see, my fellow citizens of Townsville...me and my boomstick are TIRED of seeing America turned into a toilet for everything wrong with America...which is why i'm proposing you all to vote Fuzzy Lumpkins for president of the United States of America!"

"...do you even think that shit would fly here, Fuzzy? I doubt the rest of America would vote for a criminal!"

"But what about the rest of the US, mere citizen of Townsville? I'm very positive some parts of our country wouldn't be a chicken's ass if a criminal ran for president."

|||||+So what's the deal with Fuzzy Lumpkins, Buttercup? Is he making any trouble yet?+|||||

" _Not at all, Ken...and you forgot to call me Mange for fuck's sake!_ "

|||||+Sorry...Mange. Anyway, I have dispatched Cam-Cam so if he was to make any trouble, i'd alert you of it right away.+|||||

" _Thanks. Since this is boring as all fuck, i'm going to see if there's any rapists, flashers and other scum of the fucking earth hiding in the alley to beat the shit out of._ "

|||||+...okay. At least you won't be tarnishing the Powerpuff name conducting vigilante justice while wearing that funny costume, Butt...errrr...Mange.+|||||

" _Thanks for correcting yourself mid-way through, Ken…_...and yes...i'm just acting this way to stay in-character."

|||||+I know, I know. I think its just a little overdone though.+|||||

"But that's the only way it can be fun, Ken. Well…gotta get back _in character now. Keep me updated on this Fuzzy Lumpkins shit._ "

|||||+Will do, baby.+|||||

 _ **And then Buttercu...I mean Mange stopped giving a crud and focused on other, more productive activites.**_

"Weren't you our mayor for a brief amount of time, Mr. Lumpkins?"

"Uhhhhh...yeah...but I swear I can do a much better job as president than as mayor."

"I doubt you'll do fine on your own...but i'm sure you'll do better with a roach on your side!"

 _ **Oh no! Not Roach Coach!**_

 _ **I haven't seen that jerk in ages!**_

 _ **How did he get that body built back up?!**_

"What in the rootin' tootin' world are you doing here? I remember seeing you a long, long time ago, but you suddenly disappeared when The Powerpuff Girls beat ya up."

"Well...that's a long story for another day, but trust me...our combined wits, strength and numbers will be an unbeatable force in the political world!"

"Numbers? There's only one of me. How in the world could there be more of you?"

"Hey asshole! Behind you!"

"E-Gads! A colony of roaches!"

"Yes, Fuzzy. My clan of roaches will be our cabinet once we're elected!"

"I like the sound of that, Roachie Coachie. An America ran by me and a clan of cockroaches."

"An American i'm sure many would welcome, Fuzzy."

 _ **Oh dear. Their bid for the white house is going to be an absolute circus!**_

 _ **And what on earth is Butter...errr...*cough*...ahem...Mange up to?**_

"Don't hurt me, ma'am! I swear I didn't mean to hit that ho!"

" _Well well well, dicknose! I find that excuse to be mighty fuckin' pathetic to swallow._ "

"Aw come on! Cut me some slack, Caped Freaky Bitch! You got to at least give me a slap on the wrist for the first offense. If I do it again, then you can hurt me as much as you want."

" _Not gonna happen, fuckhead!_ "

THUCK!

"OWWW! THAT FRIGGIN' HURTS, BITCH! OWWWW!"

"THAT...is your slap on the wrist. I don't play shit softly with women beaters!"

 _ **Uhhh...Buttercup. Don't get too carried away with this vigilante justice silliness.**_

 _ **And of course, she disappeared into the shadows after that nonsensical stunt. No surprise there.**_

|||||+Did you really stab him with a real knife, baby?+|||||

"Of course I didn't, Ken. I used one of those retractable prop knives you can get in a Halloween store."

|||||+Phew. Glad to know you haven't fell off the rocker.+|||||

"My sisters and pops would hate me if I actually used weapons as a crime fighting statement."

|||||+No soul that was raised by the Professor would want to break his heart anyway.+|||||

"Exactly. So what's going on with Fuzzy?"

|||||+Ummmm...there's some short dude in a wife beater having a chat with Fuzzy to an audience of cockroaches. Does that ring a bell?+|||||

"Roach Coach? That ratty ass motherfucker? Shit, I thought he was still in a damn jar in jail?"

|||||+So you and your sisters fought him before...but what do you mean by him being in a jar?+|||||

"He's actually a cockroach inside a robotic body, Ken. It's...just as ridiculous as I just told you."

|||||+...huh.+|||||

"That's the best reaction you can have in regards to such an individual. So...aside from that weirdness, they never caused any trouble when I was off fuckin' with that pimp's head?"

|||||+.Not at all, baby. It's probably safe to say you can come back home now.+|||||

"...alright. Enough silly vigilantism for one night then."

 _ **Good thinking, Buttercup. You wouldn't want to tire yourself for a day's worth of crime fighting...or live performances...or rehearsals...or jam sessions...or sex with Ken.**_

 _ **...yeah. Probably not in that exact order.**_

 _ **So the next day then came crashing in like a meteor, except without the massive citywide damage of course.**_

"MAKE AMERICA FUZZY AGAIN AND VOTE FOR FUZZY LUMPKINS IN THE UPCOMING PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION! YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT!"

"I will vote for Fuzzy Lumpkins. He sounds like the best damn candidate for president."

"MAKE AMERICA FUZZY AGAIN AND VOTE FOR FUZZY LUMPKINS IN THE UPCOMING PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION! YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO SECOND GUESS YOURSELF!"

"Roach Coach? More like Coach of American greatness! He'll make a great VP!"

"MAKE AMERICA FUZZY AGAIN AND VOTE FOR FUZZY LUMPKINS IN THE UPCOMING PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION! A VOTE FOR LUMPKINS/COACH IS A VOTE FOR AMERICAN INTEGRITY!"

 _ **Sheesh. I'm already getting sick of this.**_

 _ **Can't we go see something else?**_

 _ **Oh good. Let's see what Mayor Bellum is up to.**_

"So...Mayor Bellum. Have you decided on who you're voting for president this year? Perhaps you're planning to fuzz things up for our lovely country?"

"Oh heavens no. Not after what stupid junk he had me do when he was mayor for a month. Do you even remember that the fate of the mayor's office was decided in a friggin' pro-wrestling match between Fuzzy and my predecessor?"

"Ummm...yeeeaaaah. I vaguely remember that happening. Just as much as I remember the time you had to compete against Tony Bratwurst in order to succeed ol' Norvell Pickelscotch."

"Oh boy. Mr. Bratwurst. What an odd fellow he was. Thank goodness the good people of Townsville came to their senses and voted for me instead. I mean...I practically ghost ran this city when I just Norvell's secretary."

"And sadly, history will never know that factoid."

"Did someone ask about voting for Fuzzy? I will!"

"Oh gosh dang it, Gemma!"

 _ **Oh wow. If Gemma is going Fuzzy, who is her uncle voting for?  
**_

"Ok, Brikowski. MAKE...MY...DAY!"

"I sure as damn well, Nigel."

SLAM!

"HAH! Looks like I beat you again!"

"Aw shucks, Nigel! Why do I always have to lose to your old ass?!"

"Mr. Pickelscotch...you got some visitors."

"OH GOODIE! I wonder who could they be?!"

"Oh hi Uncle Pickelscotch!"

"Hello, dear niece. Oh…hi Sara."

"Nigel. It's...good to see you again."

"So Uncle...are you up-to-date with what's going on in the outside world?"

"Oh yes I do, Gemma. If you'r'e referring to the presidential election, i've already made my decision."

"And who exactly got your vote, Nigel?"

"Good ol' Eduardo Huckleshuck of Citiesville! That burrito of a man will defintley make America a tastier nation!"

"Uhh..I beg your pardon, Nigel. I don't even think Huckleshuck is running for president this year."

"Oh that's right. Blasted me. I'm actually going Fozzy this year...I mean...Fuzzy. He may not have been a great mayor, but i'd reckon he changed his ways enough to be a more than decent enough president."

"YAY! So am I, Uncle! Yee haw! We're going Fuzzy! We're going Fuzzy! We're going Fuzzy! We're going Fuzzy!"

"Oh for crying out loud, you two."

 _ **I wish I could visually express my disappointment in the old mayor's choice of president.**_

 _ **I hope the girls won't beget us the same results as most of our beloved, yet dumber than usual city.**_

"I'm afraid I must refrain my voting for anything, sir. As I, Blossom. am the leader of The Powerpuff Girls, I cannot have any bias towards any political party in our country. I must make myself the standard bearer of neutralism."

"Me? Powerpuff Bubbles...voting? I don't think so, mister. I do sign petitions to prevent animal cruetly, but other than that, I just find no fun in politics. I always found politics to be so darn boring."

"Oh that's an easy question, pal. That son of a fuckin' bitch Fuzzy Lumpkins ain't getting shit from me...except for the greatest fuckin' knuckle sandwich of all damn time! Hell, even that shit stained fucker Roach Coach should get one too, since he's long overdue for a second serving!"

"And there you have it, people. The Powerpuff Girls' thoughts on this election. Stay tuned for more words of the people on our upcoming presidential election."

"Aw crud. Why do those darn tootin' Powerpuff Goils not have to support us, Roachie Coachie?"

"Well its no brainer we're old enemies of them, so there's no sense in expecting them to vote for us...though i'm concerned that once we lose the election, the one with green in her hair will show up and beat the everliving tar out of us."

"Oh...damn. I hope the police will be there to prevent that from happening."

"Considering she's a Powerpuff Girl, i'm sure our voters would give two damns to see our asses kicked once we lose."

"...yeah. I'll make sure you'll get the snot beaten out of you two schmucks."

"Who on earth are you, ma'am? Are you associated with that Him weirdo?"

"Yes, Mister Wifebeater. I am indeed affiliated with Him. As for me, however, just call me...Her."

"...Her? That makes no gosh darn tootin' sense."

"You want me to show you why? You'll just need me to touch your foreheads, gentlemen..."

"No no no. I ain't going to let you do any funny business with me. Not worth risking anything to have you prove that."

"...yeah i'm with Fuzzy. I'll have to pass on the offer too."

"Aw...too bad. That said, expect to see me again on election day, gentlemen. Don't feel like I didn't give you any warning signs if you forget about it on that very day."

 _ **Her? Huh. She's new around here.**_

 _ **Even Fuzzy and Roach look quite unnerved by her words of warning.**_

 _ **Will that bode well for their debate tonight with the opposing front runner?**_

 _ **We'll have to witness that ourselves, readers.**_

"On one corner, we have...FUZZY LUMPKINS AND HIS RUNNING MATE ROACH COACH!"

"YEAAAHHHH!"

BOOOO!"

"And on the other corner, we have...A TALKING DOG!"

"YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"Uh oh. That ain't boding too tootin' well for us, Roachie Coachie! I"

"Huh. I suppose a talking dog would be more popular than either of us."

"To kick off this debate, we will let the underdogs get a word in...and I don't mean the actual dog, ladies and gents."

"Thank you kindly, Mr. Announcer. I just want to speak for everyone that's darn tootin' irritated with how much our current politicians step in our yards without asking any permission to."

"And as for me, I represent America's insect population, who's also dissatisfied with the direction the country has gone."

"Very thoughtful words, you two. Now it's time to see what your opponent has to say."

"In a world where no non-human had taken the risk to throw themselves into American politics, I...a talking dog, is making one small step for all of my fellow talking animals and will make not only my fellow citizens of Townsville proud, but will also make the rest of the world realize that the best damn candidate for president is, in fact, a talking animal. Once I am elected, I will dedicate myself to being the ultimate standard bearer of what makes a president legendary."

"YAAAAAAAAAAY! TALKING DOG! TALKING DOG! TALKING DOG!"

"Uhh...ohh."

 _ **Approximately months later, after which many other events of this story will take place in later chapters.**_

"And your new American President is...TOWNSVILLE'S VERY OWN TALKING DOG!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAY!"

"Oh...man. I'm so darn tootin' fucked, Roachie Coachie!"

"Well...i'm afraid you're on your own to deal with that crap, Fuzzy."

"Not so fast, inept insect!"

"AHHHHH! WHAT ARE YOU SHOWING ME?! WHAT IN GOD'S NAME YOUR POWERS ARE EXACTLY CAPABLE OF?! AWWWWW FUUUUUCK! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT...STOP!"

 _ **Oh no. A simple touch from Her's palm can make even the most cynical person witness the most inhumane, atrocious acts of humanity that can be committed on this world!**_

 _ **And I swore Him was evil enough...sheesh.**_

"Uhhh...Roachie. That devil lady's gone now."

"...oh. Phew, that was a close call."

"Not from us, buckos!"

"OH NO! NOT THE POWERPUFF GIRLS!"

"You see, Fuzzy and Roach. I did some investigating into how you were running your campaigns and apparently, there was some financial fraud committed!"

"YEAH..a very valid reason for us to fuck both of your shit up!"

"...aw man. I wish I was sleepin' back in mah bed. This presidential nonsense is just not for me."

"You could say that again, Fuzzy."

SMACK!

WHACK!

SNAP!

TEAR!

CRUNCH!  
SHWACK!

CRASH!

CRACK!

 _ **Oh those silly criminals turned wannabe political candidates. When will they ever learn?**_

 _ **And with that said...the day is saved…**_

 _ **thanks to…**_

 _ **THE POWERPUFF GIRLS!**_

 **THE END**

Townsville Public Records

File No. 375031

Ken Kavinsky

Age: 22

Hair Color:Dark Brown

Height: Five Feet, Eleven and a Half Inches

Weight: One Hundred and Sixty Pounds

Personal Activities: College Science/Electronics Major and Occasional Assistant for Professor Utonium. Also works as a roadie for "Negligent Assailant

Relationship Status: In a Relationship.

{{{End Transmission}}}


End file.
